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OUR DOMAIN IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE
Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:43 am by V
but I renewed it.
what have YOU done today, TR?
also I'm not sure if heartbleed effected us but you should probably not change your password, the jitterbug gang are working hard and they need …
what have YOU done today, TR?
also I'm not sure if heartbleed effected us but you should probably not change your password, the jitterbug gang are working hard and they need …
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TFoTR discussion.
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TFoTR discussion.
Yeah yeah my story is awesome and stuffz.
Second chapter isn't out yet but it'll be epic.
Last edited by InvadersFromDeepSpace on Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:47 am; edited 1 time in total
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Second chapter - DONE.
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
It would seem that Shadow and I are dead.
That's very unfortunate.
Good story, though. I like how much work you put into the battles. I usually just write "*one trainer battle later*" and the like. Of course, I also don't have as many as you do.
That's very unfortunate.
Good story, though. I like how much work you put into the battles. I usually just write "*one trainer battle later*" and the like. Of course, I also don't have as many as you do.
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Thanks. You might want to read the third chapter and get surprised.
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Well, I've given you a lot of CC on MSN at various stages of the story, however I just noticed the last few paragraphs, so I'll CC that here.
So overall: it's a good conclusion to a dramatic chapter, however you got quite lazy with the writing at times.
You've never included you, the writer, into the story before, so it seems quite odd to do so now. I think you probably should go back and add in the info about Mewthree, because suddenly including yourself because you can't be bothered changing it is quite slack, really.which I neglected to mention earlier
You've elaborated as to how all your other invented pokemon evolved into what they did, but not for Newtwo. If he chose to himself, why did he only just do it? You really need to state why he evolved (and if there is no real reason, then why he evolved this late in the battle). Again, slack writing here.Mewtwo evolves into Newtwo
Yeah... this just makes no sense. How did he get there, and why did he leave Nukia to come here? If it was to thwart the protagonists, why this late? Quite deus ex machina, really (except instead of solving the problem it made it worse, but the concept is the same). AGAIN, slack writing.Then Nuke arrives.
So overall: it's a good conclusion to a dramatic chapter, however you got quite lazy with the writing at times.
Shadow- this is a title
- Number of posts : 3430
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Age : 29
Location : New Zealand
Re: TFoTR discussion.
I edited some.
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Odd story. I noticed they have yet to use their Master Ball, I would have used it on Egice ;)
Erik- Soul Collector
- Zard :
Number of posts : 4350
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Age : 29
Location : Firelink Shrine
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Lol, Erik. I would have done that, too XD
EDIT, 9:22 PM:
http://www.trforums.com/word-gallery-f29/the-fall-of-tr-t2020.htm#70271 chapter 3!
EDIT, 9:22 PM:
http://www.trforums.com/word-gallery-f29/the-fall-of-tr-t2020.htm#70271 chapter 3!
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Ch 4 Part 1 is out.
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Porygon-X uses Zap Cannon and Thunder in unison, but the Swamperts have two abilities; one shared, being that they are immune to electric attacks, and therefore, they charge towards the Porygon-X and block its thunder and zap cannon from hurting Phione, who then jumps high and uses water pulse on Porygon-X, causing it to go on maximum performance mode, and form two fists, both equal in size to Porygon-X's body, which is actually rather small, being four feet long and three feet tall, and the fists elementize into the grass type, then they attack the Swamperts, causing them to take heavy damage while they struggle to break free of the plants which wrap around them, having a difficult time, until Entei is sent out and burns it off, before jumping over them and attacking Porygon-X with a mighty Fire Blast, which burns it severely until it unleashes an even more powerful Hydro Pump, pinning Entei to the ceiling, where it is nearly defeated by the water, before the Swamperts use Darkness Engulfment and Psycho Boost on Porygon-X, causing it to be heavily damaged until it is sent into the wall by a huge muddy water and surf combination coming from both Swamperts, and then another Fire Blast from Entei, defeating the mighty Porygon-X.
Run-on sentences.A few minutes later, the ice around them, heavily damaged by the battle, collapses, while Pere withdraws all of his Militiamon, and crushes the last of the Militiamon, while Pere remains unharmed, and runs out to confront Heartless Entei, sending out Suicune and Ho-Oh, then flying on Ho-Oh, while he commands Suicune, who uses Hydro Pump, at the exact time that Heartless Entei uses Fire Blast and then a Blizzard, but also as it is struck by Sky Attack, and then carried into the air, where Suicune, who jumps as high as possible, blasts it with Hydro Pump until it is so heavily damaged that it will not be able to balance itself as Ho-Oh drops it, causing it to roll down to mountain, causing rocks to move and lava vents to open, while the rocks break other rocks and cause a rock slide, which damages the mob of enemy Militiamon chasing Shadow greatly once he does a flyby on the Swamperts to pick them up and have them mounted on SL backwards so that they may blast the rear targets, who suffer greatly to the point where they, with the rocks, fall into the ocean.
Other than that, loving this exciting new chapter! :D
Shadow- this is a title
- Number of posts : 3430
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Age : 29
Location : New Zealand
Re: TFoTR discussion.
I have a bad run-on habit. Blame the guy who invented English.
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Just because it's a bad habit doesn't excuse the need to fix it.
Shadow- this is a title
- Number of posts : 3430
User Points : 572078
Age : 29
Location : New Zealand
Re: TFoTR discussion.
Trying to fix when I get bored.
Also, Ch 4 is done.
Also, Ch 4 is done.
Snukems- All your clans are belong to us.
- Number of posts : 691
User Points : 19176
Age : 27
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