Re: Charon: Scion of Shadow (discussion)

by **Juliana** Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:11 pm

Ooh aah, ooh aah, ooh aah. I can't wait!

/me quivers with anticipation

Seriously, I love what you did with the new chapter. I would guess that the sword winds up important in some way/shape/form?

by **Charon** Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:14 am

;D Thanks, Juli, this chapter actually felt a little shaky to me, but I'm glad it seems to be only me who thinks that.

And yes, the Twilight Edge does end up being quite important.

The first part of Chapter Three is up, the rest will be up later tonight.

by **Juliana** Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:08 pm

What you've got of it so far is exciting and a little scary, which actually makes it better for me. (The physical response to this kind of fear is, oddly, a lot of fun!) I can't wait to learn "what makes them think so."

Only oddity is that I just noticed you keep switching back and forth between past and present tense. I'm told that that is not a good idea. As frequently as I've heard it, it must be true. Right?

by **Charon** Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:31 pm

:'D
I love that I am actually making you feel the emotion! And the rest should be up soon. I'm just taking a break atm, then writing a few forum guides, and then writing the rest of the chapter.

Thanks for the advice, it should all be fixed now.

Okay, Chapter Three is up! Any questions, thoughts, and/or critiques?
Also, part of Chapter Four has been added!

by **Juliana** Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:47 pm

I admit it, I can't help giggling every time I read the part with "You must be raiding the wrong person's house."

It's very intriguing to read the beginning of chapter four and not be sure of how much of the previous three chapters the character remembers. Interesting, too, that he has such a cynical view of the teachers. The "ancient device" caught my attention; it makes me wonder what it really is and what it looks like, and whether it's important or just a small side-detail.

by **Charon** Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:52 pm

I know, lol, it makes me chuckle, too. ;P

He isn't cynical of the teachers, really, rather he disapproves of the system that Halidar has fallen into due to the current king and queen. I am still deciding on what exactly the device will do, but when I finish the chapter off I plan to rewrite it's paragraph with a description of it.

by **Juliana** Fri Aug 14, 2009 4:01 pm

Well, you know, cynicism and realism often overlap... It all depends on how you say it.

And I can't wait to read more! *skips around with anticipation*

by **Charon** Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:08 am

Very true, very true.

Well I hope to have more soon, but I'm trying to figure out which ending of about four that I should use for this chapter. The plot can only play out in one way, so one must choose wisely.

by **Juliana** Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:42 am

Why not play out all the possible endings to completion in your mind, and then find which one fits best? I've been doing that with two different stories I'm writing (though what I discovered is that one of them needs an ending that I haven't dreamed up yet...) and it actually works.

And I'm very intrigued by your description of the Device. (Mind if I just refer to it that way?) It makes me wonder even more what it does and why it's important.

by **Charon** Fri Aug 21, 2009 12:58 pm

I've played a few out to the end, decided on one, and then became unsure again. And yes, you may call it the Device until I find a proper name for it and Charon figures out what that name is ;P

Speaking of the Device, I just got an idea that will now play a large part in the story sometime in the future(or in the past...). I figured out one of it's purposes, which led me to find an oppurtunity to create a large amount of new characters, as well as introduce two that I had already created. I thought this might catch your interest, even though you might not hear more about it for quite some time. I can't wait until I get to that part!

I might finish off Ch4 tonight, wish me luck!

by **Juliana** Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:45 pm

\\// Good luck.

by **Aeonarial** Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:10 pm

You are becoming very adept at this.

by KageArashi Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:03 pm

Hey Chamander!

As I said I would discuss it, here I am! Ok, everything looks pretty good except for one thing. In the first chapter, you really don't elaborate on the need for freedom. Or, why you would need it. It's a bit weird, you killing off the supposed 'savior' without an adequate reason. It's just a bit confusing for me. That's just the main thing I saw that need clarification.

But other than that, everything seems to be looking good! I await your next update!

Ninjat Poof!
--KageArashi

by **Charon** Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:06 am

Thanks Kage, I was wondering when someone would notice that! I do plan to go back at some part in the story to elaborate in hopes of explaining why Charon needed his freedom so desperately.

In other news...
Right now I am developing the eight scions(their ideals, powers, and appearance). After that and a few other things are finished, I will begin writing more for you guys. Don't give up on me just yet! ;)

by **Juliana** Tue Sep 08, 2009 10:00 am

I'd like to recommend switching the entire story to past tense. Writing in the present tense is surprisingly difficult if you are used to reading books written in the past tense--particularly since phrasing a sentence to sound good is subtly different--and almost inevitably leads to sentences such as this one:

Charon wrote:Through the crack in the closet door, I see a man in an immaculate dark suit stride up to the empty stand that belonged to the sword whose handle now rested in my grip.

See the problem? The sentence begins in the present tense and ends in past tense. It's a very common problem for people who write in the present tense, and one that is often difficult to catch. So, unless you want to use the switching to make some sort of point, it would probably be the best move to go back and make the entire story one tense, and the past tense would be the easiest one to work with.

by **Charon** Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:42 pm

Finally found the time to edit the entire story so far into past tense! I'm extremely sorry that's it's been so long, school has just been keeping me busy. I hope to find time to write out more soon!

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