MrSebi Fiction

by Guest Thu Jun 17, 2010 12:01 am

The Un-named spin-off series of the oddly named stories written by Peregrine (and some other people) Or...

MRSEBI FICTION

1: Prologue

(TR Studios: Lot 5: After the live filming of: Your Lives, Your Adventures. Peregrine is on vacation and Xusha is in charge of filming while he is gone.)

Eonaleth: Annnnnnnd that’s a wrap folks, great job everyone, let’s clear the set!

DracoWolf117: Darn it, why can’t I be in the film?

wwwtoy: BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A BELIVER, NO HEATHENS MAY GRACE THE PRESENCE OF A CHILD OF MILTONIUS

Vamparagon: Guys, someone get the rabbit back in its cage before it starts munching on something, these props are expensive!

(Two large men grab wwwtoy and drag him to his cage behind the studio, all while he is screaming profanities and Miltonius related propaganda. Vamparagon palms his face.)

Vamparagon: Tell me again why we have him around?

(Altera enters with the refreshments, most of the cast follows suit, discussing the success of the film, MrSebi in particular seems upset.)

MrSebi: I’m just saying, we are WAY smarter than this, why are we forced to do this, Acting like morons?

Flaw of Insanity: I dunno man, take me: most of what I do is toss you into dungeons, but still; who cares? We get paid through our noses for this stuff!

MrSebi: I guess, but still, let’s give the audience some credit! I mean sure, me WANTING GRAVY after nearly dying is stupid! Why can’t we act just a BIT smarter?

Flaw of Insanity: You were kinda smarter here right? You did at least speak like a normal person!

Altera: Alright, Who wants Cookies! Oatmeal Raisin, Who wants some?

(Everyone rushes to the food cart, grabbing cookies and lemonade and sitting down on props to eat, Xusha suddenly goes up to the stage and clears her throat to get attention)

Xusha: First of all, I would like to congratulate everyone on the successful 4^th episode of the TR Show, I …

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What about mine?

Xusha:Pardon?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What about the one I wrote? This is the 5^th!

Xusha: Did it have Hetalia?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What?

Xusha: Did… it… have… Hetalia?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: No… but… It had Pokemon! And Emos!

(Xusha pulls out a gun and shoots into the air three times, InvadersFromDeepSpace goes pale)

Xusha: I’m sorry; did I break your concentration? I believe you were saying about… No Hetalia?

( InvadersFromDeepSpace stays silent)

Xusha: Oh? You were done, well then; allow me to retort! What do I look like?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What?

(Xusha Jumps down off the stage and knocks InvadersFromDeepSpace to the ground, then holds her gun at his face)

Xusha: What country are you from?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What?

Xusha: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in what?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: Wh… what?

Xusha: ENGLISH! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: Y… yes!

Xusha: Then you understand what I’m saying?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: Yes!

Xusha: Then tell me… what do I look like?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What?

Xusha: SAY WHAT AGAIN! SAY WHAT ONE MORE TIME! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOUTO SAY WHAT ONE MORE DAMN TIME! WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: You… you’re Russian…

Xusha: Go on…

InvadersFromDeepSpace: And… you have a Nure Onna head…

Xusha: Do I look like an idiot?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: What?

(Xusha slaps InvadersFromDeepSpace)

Xusha: DO I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: No… NO!

Xusha: Then why are you trying to fool me like I’m one?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: I… I’m not!

Xusha: Yes you are, you are trying to fool me! Do you watch Hetalia?

InvadersFromDeepSpace: N…no…

Xusha: Pity… there’s a certain part of it that comes to mind: Episode 6: paragraph 37

And Austria proclaimed: I will show you my anger with a piano!

Sitting down, he played with the fury of a thousand storms,

and when he was done playing he asked: Do you understand

now? And Germany's response, in so much amusement was; so... thy

anger is Chopin?

(Xusha throws her palm at the ground, as it connects, runes form on the ground and a vortex opens below InvadersFromDeepSpace, sucking him into the void, then Xusha gets up and clears her throat)

Xusha: I would like to congratulate everyone on the successful 4^th episode of the TR Show! I know it was hard without Pere directing, but we managed it! Now then, any issues you wish to address?

(The crowd just looks at her; some people have dropped their cookies in shock)

Xusha: Good! Let’s all clean up and head back to the castle!

2: MrSebi and Katherine

(Back at the castle, MrSebi was alone in his room fuming, he sighs)

Katherine: Murr?

(Katherine sneaks up behind Sebi, glomps him and knocks him off his chair, then starts nuzzling him)

MrSebi: Wha? Oh hey Katherine, I didn’t see you come in! How are you?

Katherine: The same, playing games, eating; I stranded Wix on an island somewhere!

(10.000 Miles away)

Wixmagic: WHERE THE HELL AM I!

(A loud noise is heard, and a T-Rex exits the forest behind Wixmagic)

Wixmagic: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…

(Back at the castle)

MrSebi: Ah, neat, at least one of us is having fun…

Katherine: Oh? What’s wrong?

MrSebi: Ah, this damn series is getting under my skin, Pere and Xusha keep making use look like morons, and Vamp won’t do a thing he just wants the money we make for a golden toilet. Stinking Timelord…

Katherine: Awwww, don’t be upset… wait? Golden Toilet?

MrSebi: You… don’t wanna know!

Katherine: Well, anyways; there’s an easy way to fix things!

MrSebi: Erm… what?

(Katherine smiles evilly, showing her canines)

Katherine: Kill them!

MrSebi: …

Katherine: What?

(MrSebi smiles just as evilly)

MrSebi: Good idea…

3: The Golden Radio

(We go to Xusha’s room, she is at her desk writing the next part of the series when there is a knock on the door, she goes to open it and the door bursts open, several dark tentacles grab her and pin her to the wall, MrSebi walks in)

Xusha: So you decided to make this story about tentacle -?

MrSebi: What?

(Xusha nods at the tentacles holding her)

Xusha: I think you have been spending too much time with Katherine…

MrSebi: Ugh…

(MrSebi waves his hand, the tentacles holding Xusha turn into shackles, she grits her teeth as the shadow shift on her arms)

MrSebi: Satisfied?

Xusha: Somewhat, yes; now why are you here?

MrSebi: Quite simple, I want revenge for being forced to act like a fool, and you are the first part of my evil plan!

Xusha: Kill us?

MrSebi: Wha… no!

Xusha: Then what? As you can see, I’m busy!

(MrSebi grins, and pulls out a golden radio)

Xusha: What’s that?

MrSebi: You see Xusha, I just really can’t bring myself to kill you, so I’m going to do the next best thing, care to guess what’s on this little radio…

Xusha: You wouldn’t!

MrSebi: Ah but I would, and I will!

(MrSebi presses a button on the radio, and turns to leave, as he closes the door, he can hear Xusha scream in agony as the radio plays a continuous loop of Lady Gaga songs. He smiles as he heads towards his next destination: Vamparagon)

3: Peregrine, Vamparagon, MrSebi and Katherine

(Lolosia, Peregrine is sitting at a table in his hotel’s outdoor bar, Katherine teleports into the bar and sits down at the table across from Peregrine. He looks up)

Peregrine: H-h-h-h-hey Katherine

Katherine: Hey Peregrine, How are you?

Peregrine: F-f-f-fine, I’m not eating cereal, no, not cereal, I’m just… a … riding my boat, yes, my boat!

Katherine: What?

Peregrine: SHUTUP! IM NOT EATING CEREAL, IM CLEAN YOU HEAR ME! CLEAN!

Katherine: …

Peregrine: DON’T LOOK AT ME!

(Peregrine pulls out a cereal box, but before he can eat it, two large men grab him and drag him away as he screams, a woman approaches Katherine)

Woman: I’m sorry, for that, sometimes our patients get… a little crazy

Katherine: Patient?

Woman: Yes, this is the Lolosia drug rehab center, Mr. Peregrine over there was brought here with severe withdrawal symptoms, cereal; extremely addictive I’m afraid…

Katherine: He was… a cereal addict?

Woman: Was and is. I’m afraid that he may not be long for this world however, the laws are very clear, if anyone is unable to recover in three months, we need to put them down.

Katherine: Awwww… and I came here to torture, maim, and kill him!

Woman: We get a few of those, if you want, you can be the one to put him down, follow me!

Katherine: YAY!

(Meanwhile, back at the Castle, MrSebi has reached Vamparagon’s reception)

Secretary: Hello! Do you have an appointment!

MrSebi: Erm… no!

Secretary: (Sigh) nobody ever does! Why are you here? Are you here to address problems with the clan that Vamparagon doesn’t care about, ask for things he won’t give you, or attempt to kill him?

MrSebi: Erm… the first one!

Secretary: Alright, so you are here to kill him, please sign here Mr. Mathia, Peregrine or Cial)

MrSebi: Erm…

(MrSebi signs the paper and enters Vamps office; he is sitting on his golden toilet)

Vamparagon: Oh, hey Sebi, what can I do you for?

MrSebi: I’m here to kill you!

Vamparagon: What for?

MrSebi: …. I don’t remember, seriously, this damn story is so poorly written, it’s impossible to figure anything out!

Vamparagon: Alright, get it over with then!

(MrSebi draws out a gun and shoots Vamparagon, he falls to the floor and starts glowing, as the light dissipates, a new slightly different version of Vamparagon is lying there)

MrSebi: What the? You’re a timelord!

Vamparagon: I say, why I say that be right son! Now get the hell outta mah office!

MrSebi: I don’t think so…

(MrSebi shoots Vamparagon again; he regenerates, this time as a woman)

Vamparagon: What the? I have breasts!

MrSebi: Third times the charm!

(MrSebi shoots Vamparagon, he regenerates again; as a gigantic chicken)

Vamparagon: Bwuak?

MrSebi: Mmmmmm... Chicken!

(Suddenly, several TR staff burst in the room, all holding guns or other weapons)

Ryzaa: Freeze scumbag!

Icewolfking: Hey! That’s my line!

Shadow: I feel no emotions…

Chamberino: I say why am I even here with you buffoons?

Sticky: Sebi just wrote us in so he could make fun of us!

Ryzaa: Aha, so that explains why Xusha and Flaw aint here!

Icewolfking: Actually no, Flaw just didn’t want to come!

Shadow: I am a black rose of the abyss…

Chamberino: What about Xusha?

Icewolfking: That’s why we are here, Sebi tied her up and forced her to listen to Lady Gaga, and she chewed her own wrists to kill herself!

Ryzaa: And how did we find out it was Sebi?

Icewolfking: Deus Ex Machina of course!

Chamberino: Somewhere along the line, this story lost all meaning!

Ryzaa: I think it was from this chapter!

Chamberino: So now what?

Icewolfking: We were here to capture Sebi!

MrSebi: Too late! I have already fulfilled my revenge! Pere and Xusha are dead, and Vamp is a chicken!

Icewolfking: So… we are too late?

MrSebi: Looks like it…

Chamberino: I say, I could really go for some roast chicken!

Vamparagon: Bwuak?

Ryzaa: Alright, I'll call Altera, someone pick up that chicken!

Vamparagon: BWUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!

5: Epilogue

(An hour later at the mess hall, everyone in TR is eating chicken)

Cial: Mmmmmm, great job Altera! You’ve really outdone yourself!

Eonaleth: Yeah, all those gold pizzas made Vamp really tender!

Ryzaa: SO! Sebi! What did you learn from this?

MrSebi: I learned that revenge is not the way to go, good thing I discovered this before anyone was hurt!

Wixmagic: Except Xusha, Pere, and Vamp!

MrSebi: How the **** did you get back from the island?

Wixmagic: It was horrible… that dinosaur did things to me that I will never forget!

Crystal Lion: Still, people DID die! All because you couldn’t swallow your pride for a bit!

MrSebi: Meh, does it really matter? Everyone knows this is a spin-off, nothing here is canon, and everyone will be back to life in the next story!

Crystal Lion: Written by who?

MrSebi: Pere, Xusha, Invaders, does it really matter? They all rock!

Crystal Lion: That reminds me, where is Invaders?

(Katherine walks in covered in blood and cereal; smiling, MrSebi hugs her)

MrSebi: Judging by the position of the sun and the moon… probably in a void beast’s stomach!

Katherine: I guess everything worked out in the end!

Everyone: HOOOOORAAAAAAAY!

(End)