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Lorian Origins: Evangel Discussion

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Tokijin
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[TR] - Take Away Tom :: The Art Village :: The Word Gallery :: Word Gallery Discussion

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Lorian Origins: Evangel Discussion Empty Lorian Origins: Evangel Discussion

Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:50 am

O.K., the first chapter is up.

The entire story is going to be about Evangel's (in-game character) origins and how he came to be who he is. The story is far from AE's style of story telling and humor. Some of the material may upset some people.

Feedback and suggestions for the next chapter are enjoyed. I like when people criticize, allows me to build on the story.
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Lorian Origins: Evangel Discussion Empty Re: Lorian Origins: Evangel Discussion

Post by Alanza Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:05 am

That was an amazing story man! I loved it! I'm looking forward to the next part!
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:06 am

Thanks a lot! The next chapter will be some of his childhood. Probably won't come until next week after some feedback and thinking.
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Post by Tokijin Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:14 am

Wow! I agree with Alanza. Very intriguing and sort of dark near the end. I would love to read more!
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:15 am

I didn't want to go into detail with the last part, touchy subject you know? Even implying it, I had to warn people.

Its a very dark story, thats going to get plenty more dark.
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Post by Crystal Lion Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:25 am

I like it, it's a very serious style, even compared to mine. (Which is more humorous.)
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:30 am

Thanks Crystal. I didn't think I would get such good feedback.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
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Post by Alanza Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:31 am

Hmmmm...not that I can think of. :o
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Post by Charon Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:38 am

I love it! A few parts are a a little shaky, like this:
"His eyes so green they looked like emeralds."
would probably be better like this:
His eyes WERE so green THAT they looked like emeralds.
Just a suggestion.
I love the story though, and I can not wait to read more. :3
I think I might even make some art for you... >;]
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:11 am

Thanks Char, but I intended for that sentence to be read like that. Read it out loud, sounds better.

And art would be awesome!
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Post by Charon Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:41 am

I thought it might be stylistic. In that case, it reads well ; )
Yeah, once you go into a little more detail about Evangel, I'll probably draw him.
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:59 am

Evangel looks exactly like my character. You could do, however, Sparrowhawk or Scarlett.

I do, actually, have an image in my mind of a picture you could do, would be challenging though if you are up to it, or anyone else for that matter.
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Post by Charon Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:20 am

Even so, I like to hear how you write about him. Helps me to envision him.
And I'd love to hear the idea, even if I can't do it
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:21 am

If you can, just doodle Sparrowhawk. He probably won't appear again in the fanfic.
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Post by Vampiric Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:46 am

Awesome way to start the story, Ev! Just one thing I want to point out:

"...belonging to a group of famous pirates known as 'Alpha Pirates'..."

Bah, you like to taunt with your armor xP Anyway, good job - I look forward to reading more. Suggestions? I'm curious about where Ev's going to grow up so I guess I'll have to wait for the details about location and stuff. Maybe the little harbor I made may help, hehe.
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:49 am

Teehee :P

The next chapter, Evangel is growing up in Lolosia, the pirate port town.
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Post by Vampiric Mon Feb 08, 2010 11:06 am

I'll be in there and stealing the grog, aye? Haha, just joking. Awesome, can't wait for it =)
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Post by Crystal Lion Mon Feb 08, 2010 11:28 am

I'd like to read the next part, then. What do you think of my story, though?
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Post by Evangel Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:27 pm

Lol, Vampy. I'll fit you in if I can. Just a short cameo.

I'm already working on the next chapter, I should have it posted by later today/ tomorrow.

I'll check your's out, Crystal.
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Post by Vampiric Mon Feb 08, 2010 6:28 pm

:O You don't have to inconvenience yourself, Ev. :P

M'kay, I'll check it out once it's up.
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Post by Evangel Tue Feb 09, 2010 2:02 am

No, no, no. Its no inconvenience at all. ^_^

Chapter 2 is up. There's a lot more dialog. The next chapter is going to pick up the pace.

Also, I cameo'd Charon in. Hope it was good enough.

Like the last chapter, feedback and criticism are welcome.
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Post by Alanza Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:04 am

Loved the second chapter! This is turning out to be quite a story!
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Post by Evangel Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:05 am

Thank you, very much!

Possibly a 3rd chapter by the end of the week. Maybe Wednesday.
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Post by Crystal Lion Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:39 am

The second chapter's nice. I liked the part where Evangel and his mother are talking about his dad.
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Post by Evangel Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:46 am

Thanks a lot. Evangel and Sparrowhawk are going to met and talk in the next chapter.
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