Re: Lorian Origins: Evangel Discussion

by **Vampiric** Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:28 pm

I know this sounds horrible... But when is Sparrowhawk going to die? I thought he was in a rush to have a child to carry on his legacy and 9 years seems pretty long.

Anyway, this was a good chapter =) Considerably lighter than the first one (in terms of the tone of the chapter) and I definitely recognized that Charon character :P

... Do I sense the imminent approach of the Shadowscythe?

Keep up the work, looking forward to chapter 3 ^^

by Evangel Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:33 pm

Sparrowhawk will be explained in the next chapter. Don't worry, he does die.

And yes, the Shadowscythe show up the next couple of chapters.

Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys. ^_^

by **Vampiric** Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:54 pm

Can I give you negative feedback? *is shot down* M'kay, I take that as a no. Haha, doesn't matter, I don't have anything negative to say. I always have a soft spot for pirates and their fascinating tales :3

by Evangel Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:33 pm

There will be plenty of pirating to come ^_^

by Atriax Tue Feb 09, 2010 4:20 pm

Your writing is amazing!
I've read published authors who couldn't hold my attention as well as you.
What I especially like, is that it's well balanced.
It's not too happy and sunshiney, and it's not too grim, wannabe-epic either.
Keep it up ^^

by Evangel Wed Feb 10, 2010 12:06 am

Thanks! The entire story isn't going to be balanced, though, its going to get darker from the next chapter onward. I'll still throw in some light-hearted parts to keep it varying.

by **Vampiric** Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:31 pm

Nice part three. Soo Sparrowhawk was dead and was killed again by Evangel? Interesting. Hehe, somehow this chapter reminded me of Pirates of the Caribbean, especially Jack shooting the undead Barbosa.

Anyway, just one thing that jumped out:

"He lifted her up, hold her body in his arms, turning, and walking out."

It may just be me, but I think it would flow better if it was "He lifted her up, held her body in his arms, turned, and walked out." Again, maybe just me.

Good chapter =)

by Evangel Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:34 pm

Hmmm, I might change it to that, sounds better.

Sparrowhawk was dead and killed again as we kill undead in AQW.

by Alanza Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:13 pm

Read the 3rd chapter! So sad, but this is an amazing story!

by Atriax Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:05 pm

Yeah, it is a bit PotCish...
Could you perhaps rethink it?

by Evangel Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:33 pm

Nope, that's the way its supposed to be. There have been undead pirates before PoTC, you know.

by Alanza Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:07 am

I have no problem with it being sad; that's reality. Love the newest chapter!
And what is PotCish?

by Evangel Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:09 am

"Pirates of the Caribbean"-ish.

by **Vampiric** Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:37 pm

Wow, took me my sweet time to finally get around to commenting on chapter 4! Anyway, sad but good update. I'm curious about this voyage Evangel is embarking on. /Avenge On?

by Alanza Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:24 am

Lol! I was thinking, "Pot...cish? What's a cish? Quiche?"
Lol.
I love your story, man! All chapters have been awesome! I need to get more writing done. o.o

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