TR Writing Contest

by Xusha Thu May 06, 2010 8:15 am

Welcome to Xusha's Writing Contest!
TR Writing Contest Writing

The idea is simple, one must just simply write in any form following a theme for prizes! Depending on how many entries gotten is what the total prize will be. If more then five people enter, then the format will most likely be as follows. Note that this could potentially change depending on quality of work as well as entries.

1st. 100,000 Points

2nd. 50,000 Points

3rd. 10,000 Points

The given themes are "Showtime", "AQW", and "Dreams" Make of them what you will, and I would love to see some creativity out of as many people as possible, which is why there are multiple possible themes. The rules are fairly simple to follow. All I ask is that you be original and use as many different writing forms as possible. I do ask you all keep haikus to a minimum, but if you must do one, I require three. The judging will be conducted by myself, as I will be the one distributing points. The deadline will be May 20th, or however long it takes to get roughly 10 entries, if it takes beyond this time.

Entries:
1. Katherine
2. MrSebi
3. Crystal Lion
4. Thoru
5. Shadz
6. Altera
7. Erik
8. Pere
9.
10.

Code:: [b]Chosen Theme[/b] [b]Type of entry (Haiku, Short Story, Ect.)[/b] [b]Your Written Entry[/b]

by Katherine Sat May 08, 2010 9:12 am

Dreams
Short Story that's not so short?

I awoke to find myself in a graveyard. How had I gotten here, I do not know. All I remembered before this was falling asleep on my bed, hoping the next day would be better than the day before. I stood up and turned around, and with a slight shock, found myself staring at my own name on the gravestone. But how was that possible? I did not know and I hoped that this was just a Nightmare as I read the names on most of the nearby gravestones. Arashi, Juli, Flawwy, Raeg, Ryzaa and even that weewolf lover, Kao. I just simply couldn't believe them to be dead... Could they have woken up before I did? Or could it have been that they are in this Nightmare too?

I felt the ground tremble slightly before a rotting hand emerged from the ground. I backed away before it could grab hold of my ankle. I heard more rising from their graves but none of them resembled any of my friends. I was right about that... They were not dead, but how do I find them? But first, I have to get out of this place, the dead were rising and even being an overpowered immortal in my reality, I did not believe they would work here as it would have made it too easy for me to escape from this Nightmare. Someone wanted us dead, but who, and why?

I knew something about this, I knew of Elder Daemons doing this just to get people to release them in ways... Or even for their enjoyment as the victims were torn to shreds. How did I know? Because I went through this before... Only trying to guide those trapped out.

I ran to the main gates, only finding them locked and missing my strength I usually possessed. I ran towards the keeper's room and grabbed the shovel in there, knowing that I was going to be screwed when the gate blew apart. I peeked out of the window and saw Flawwy in a truck. Well, I suppose that's how he is sometimes.

I left the room and went Buffy on those zombies blocking my path to the Truck, slicing away limbs and decapitating the dead a the way. When I was finally at the truck, I opened the door and got in. "Well, I don't know how you knew I was here but really, thanks."

"Well, I found most of the others, in fights of their own or just wandering around. We'll just need to find Ryzaa and we can get out of this Nightmare somehow."

"And where do you think he might be?"

"Possibly at the hospital."

"Why do you say so?"

"It's obviously, isn't it? I went around this place already. There's only two more places to search."

"And I'll bet you told everyone else to meet up outside of town... Shouldn't we group up here? You know, being in a Hellhole?"

"Well, they should be fine if you want me to go pick them up."

"Let's just get Ryz first."

"As you wish." He shrugged before reversing the truck out of the graveyard, knocking down some of the dead and crushing them under the wheels of the truck.

We reached the hospital after a short ride. Hells, I wouldn't believe this place to be possible, I mean, look at that. It's a hospital, one that seemed to have that eerie glow which I hated so much. Why? Because they mean one thing, Ghosts, and I really have a strange fear for them...

"You sure he is here?"

"Of course, we can check the mart later..."

"Can I stay in the truck?"

"Not, you're coming along!"

"Pwease? I don't like going into such places..."

He grabbed my hand and kind of dragged me along with him into the hospital.... Who knows what will happen to us... I'll probably faint or die of Heart attack due to extreme fear...

We entered the hospital and guess what, a decapitated body was the first thing we saw and the head could be seen near the body. I had this feeling possessed people had done this, I'm very sure about it. Maybe they had a bone saw with them...

"You sure we should continue in?"

"Of course we should. We might find Ryzaa, you know."

Oh great, his cheery disposition... Heck, I don't even think he would have noticed if I was dead... I don't even think he even twitched at that sight. Well, nor would I, but still, isn't this a sign that something bad is going to happen?

But still, he tugged my arm, in a way, telling me to continue on into this nightmare. We headed deeper into the hospital, knowing that our every step took us closer into the darkness that has taken over this place. Each step of ours resonated against the empty corridors... But I worry still that we might not be alone soon... After all, the place was turning more and more into a charnal slaughterhouse as the walls were slowly being covered with blood from nowhere...

Kritch, Kritch. That was the should I could hear from the upper floors... What awaited us up there sounded agitated... As if it had found itself it's new prey... I think it heard us... Which would be quite obvious with us in here... Still, where would Ryz be if he was here? Don't tell me that creature got to him first? No, Ryz would be able to defend himself... He wouldn't let such a creature fell him... But what about the....

"Who or what is that?" I exclaimed when I noticed something coming towards us... Someone in white... Grinning at us with that look of insanity on his face. He must be the one who tore up that guy earlier. But He wasn't Ryz... Maybe Ryz managed to avoid him and had escaped? But maybe he was still here..

"Come on. We can take him on."

"But... But what if that's just a shell... If we destroy the shell, we might put ourselves at risk..."

"It alright. We have faith in ourselves, remember? Even without much of out powers here, we'll do fine."

"But... This isn't a joke. If we die here, we are lost forever."

"Still, it's a risk we'll have to take. After all, you are supposed to be, like, strong enough to face your fears. Unless you are just a widdle kitten?"

"I am not a baby kitten! I'll take him down. You'll see!" I kinda lost control then, holding that shovel from before in my hands, lifting it slightly higher up and hoping my strike would slice him into half. But as luck would have it... It failed... It seems that thing in the puppet is far more intelligent that it would seem... And way more faster than both of us now.

I blocked it's strike with the handle of the shovel, watching it snap into two. I knew was screwed unless I could either find a new weapon or, for some reason, Flawwy carried a spare weapon somehow with him.

A loud crack resonated from behind me and the creature fell to the ground.

"Ooo, it seems the gun does does work."

"Flawwy... Where in the Nine hell did you find a gun?"

"Uhh, in that truck... Along with some ammo... I figured out how to reload it before I drove off in search for anyone else."

"And why did you not tell me?"

"Because I thought it was not that important!"

I sighed. "You know, it's actually better to tell me about it before we even got in here!"

"Well, sorry then.."

"Bah, leave it be... We still have Ryz to find."

by Guest Thu May 13, 2010 8:46 pm

Dreams
Haiku
To Dream:

To dream is to sleep
To sleep is as to die
I will dream when I die

by Crystal Lion Sat May 15, 2010 8:28 am

Showtime.
Las Vegas Lion.

Lions are better known as kings o' the jungle,
Yet there's a lion in Las Vegas.

Like all of her noble kind, she's queen of all the beasts.
Of the beastly showgirls,
And the guys' hearts to boot.

All sorts of animals in showtime,
Hunting dogs, hyenas too,
Wolves and griffins and civets,
It's a real zoo out there! (Boom boom...)

Oh Lion, yes she's the queen!
Bona fide, Vegas.
Las Vegas Lion,

Queen of what exactly?
I'd really like to know that.
She's the new queen of Las Vegas!
Queen of all beasties and showtime, Crystal is!
She's the true queen of burlesque!

Vegas, Vegas, the lion's queen of Vegas*. Vegas, Vegas!
Whoever, would've thought, lions can be burleycue?

by **Thoru** Sun May 16, 2010 9:55 pm

Chosen Theme AQW ish
Type of entry (Haiku, Short Story, Ect.) Shortish Story
Your Written Entry: My name? It’s Thoru. I am all that remains of the Shadow Sential army. I am a master of the ways of darkness. One of the 5 Lords of darkness. Thus my other name, Lord Thoru. The other 4 are probably dead now, or they might be searching for the same things as me, the armors of power. It’s unknown how many of the armors exist but there have been sightings of at least 5. One for each lord? No, that’s not possible. My destiny was never pre-determined. I am a Doom Knight. My armor is magnificent looking. A dark shade of blood red. Spikes on the shoulders. An almost tentacle like weaving around the lower legs and upper shoulders. The helmet spits evil energy from the eyes. The cape is tattered and worn from countless battles. The blade is the soul of it though. The blade is sleek and dark red. It practically SCREAMS power! I received this armor from the Master Zentuller. He was the original leader. I have taken over for him seeing as he was killed. How was he killed? Well let me tell you………………
It all started during the Golden Onslaught, the ‘Good’ King Aldein was captured by his former soldier. Oh the irony. We laughed at him, as we saw him trapped in a cage. We had broken into the lair to stop Maximillion’s Golden Army, and had beaten all so we were on our way to defeat Max when we found the dungeon. There he was, the King, trapped like a rat. I was second in command so I ordered a foot soldier to kill him. We went on to win the battle with Maximillion. I went on without a care until I heard an ominous rumbling……
It was the King. He had been released by the foot soldier. That ‘soldier’ was a traitor! I saw him and unleashed a Howling Doom Blast on him. The soldier was turned to dust. The King turned to me. I laughed at him! He tried to send a Shining Dragon Furry at me but I became the darkness. I went back to the ShadowLare for I thought that Master would be there. He was not. I immediately went back.
There he was lying on the ground. Dead. My master was dead. The one I had trained under was dead. I leaped towards Aldein and……………..

by Shadz Mon May 17, 2010 7:44 am

Chosen ThemeDreams
Type of entry (Haiku, Short Story, Ect.)I forgot what its called.
Your Written Entry
Dont ever forget they are there
Ready to show you what you want
Even things you wish you didnt want
And thing you wish you had
Maybe even things you did not know you wanted
So listen to them.

by **Altera** Mon May 17, 2010 6:55 pm

Chosen Theme Dreams
Type of entry (Haiku, Short Story, Ect.) A rather longish short story.
Your Written Entry
It’s a grey haze in a stark white desert and the temperature is neither hot nor cold. The wind tugs at my cloak while sand tries to edge around my goggles. I feel compelled to take one step after another in the middle of nowhere and I’m positive I’m going round in circles. Either that or that dead bush is stalking me.

“Paranoia finally setting in girl?” Oh great it’s Bedivere again, invading my dream world and looking smart in dark pinstripe suit.

“It’d take more than a dream to make me go insane. What are you supposed to be?” I growl.

He makes a tut-tutting noise, “So harsh. But I suppose you had to be to kill your own teacher, little Galahad or do I call you Mina now that you’re not in the agency’s good books?” He withdrew a silver cigarette case from an inner pocket, pops a cancer stick between his lips and lights it. “Let’s just say I’m the regretful portion of that mind of yours and leave it at that.”

“I never regretted killing you. You sold us all out. You had to die.”

He laughs, blue tinted smoke issuing from his mouth, “You don’t honestly believe that, do you? Did I teach you to take everything the agency says as the truth? I didn’t. However, I’m sure I taught you a lesson about independent thought. Did you listen? It appears you did not. You instead talked yourself into saying it was for the good of the agency, but what do you really think in hindsight?” Before I can answer, he claps his hands together, “But first, some tea.”

And what do you know? There’s a small table, silver tea tray and cake rack with small sandwiches and teacakes artfully arranged on a lacy white tablecloth. It reminded me of Sunday afternoons after a morning of training, right down to the Royal Stafford bone china teacups. All that was needed now was the rickety deck clinging to the cliff and a bad case of vertigo.

“Well this is your dream; you’re the one in charge.”

“Is that so? Then why don’t you buzz off?”

“You can control the environment around you, the clothes you wear, and sometimes the interactions within it but not me. I’m rather important in this particular dream. Try a sandwich.” He stubs out the remainder of his cigarette and pours tea for both of us.

“What did you mean by me talking myself into killing you?” I pull off my cloak and I’m wearing the cargo pants and green shirt of my youth, not my leather coat and black slacks.

“You weren’t willing to kill me at first, but then orders from the Round Table are absolute. You either kill or be killed. I could see it in your eyes when you pulled the trigger.” He shrugged as he lit another cigarette, “At least you looked me in the eye when you did that, unlike what those guys have done to you and your team.”

The scene melts into black and crimson tones before I can ask Bedivere anything else. Initial disorientation is quickly replaced by complete alertness as I feel cold concrete underneath my cheek, the ragged leather remains of my trench coat, the gentle shaking of my shoulder by a firm hand and the warm wetness spreading from my side. I smell smoke, copper and a hint of tear gas.

“She’s still alive!” I hear the familiar accent of my marksman as I drag myself up to my knees.

“Whoa easy Gala- I mean Mina. I need to check that wound before you do anything stupid. So sit tight and lemme fix you up.” Jackson prods my wound briefly, before patching it up with liquid bandage. “It’s a little deep but none of your vitals have been damaged. It may hurt if you push yourself too hard though.”

Marksman Bors looks impatiently at us, “We have to get moving. Can you stand Commander?”

“I’ll be fine, where’s Lucas and Rafe?”

“They’re scouting ahead, but we need your orders.”

I tap my earpiece, “Lucas, Rafe, back here, pronto.” They return swiftly, and I was back up on my feet, pistol in hand.

“Your orders?”

“First of all, I want to apologise for getting you all tied up in this. I meant to investigate them alone but you guys ended up in the middle of-.”

“No need to apologise Mina. The squad’s like family, we always meddle with everyone’s affairs.” Rafe checks the clip in his P-90 as he interjects. “Though tear gas, high explosives and a death squad. The agency’ve gone all out this time around.”

“I want you guys to get out of here. If Bors would do so kindly as to leave his CheyTac, I can pick off a few before they arrive at this position. It’s me they’re after and I’m not willing to be responsible for your deaths right now. So go.”

My squad looks at one another before looking back at me. “We decline the order, Commander.” They reply in unison.

“Where you go, we go, no questions aked.” Bors set his rifle overlooking the rubble.

“Down into hell if need be.” Rafe salutes me.

“I should’ve just told you I was gonna run away.” I mutter underneath my breath.

“But you’re too damn honourable Mina. You never kick a man while he’s down, never kill him when his back is turned and you never have run from a fight.” Lucas claps me on the back.

I sigh; I’ll let them have this minor victory for now. If we survive this I'll kick their collective asses, “Very well, revised orders. We send them to hell, then we get out of here.”

From the corner of my eye I see a flash of red as my infrared prosthetic registered something humanoid in shape running between large chunks of masonry.

I take aim, roaring at the top of my voice, “It’s Showtime!”

by **Erik** Wed May 19, 2010 7:17 am

AQW
Story, Realistic Fiction

The Saturday Struggle, a Realistic Fictional Story

Premise: Every Saturday, you probably know already, there is a TRCon at 7:00 pm EST (Server Time). Now, no matter how competent the people are who run it, there is always an issue of respect for those who run it. Every Con is just another new challenge for the newly TRCon Moderators, and this is a documentary of their story. Nobody was meant to be harmed in the creation of this tale, learn to laugh at yourself if it offended you. Some parts of this story were taken from a real con day, and some were added.

Erik: Hey guys, whats up? (6:30 EST)

Xusha: Not much
Sticky: <AFK>
Wixmagic: Sebi is going on another one of his usually rants!
Sebi: I am a World of Warcraft pro! Bow to my power!
Chamberino: The usual kind of stuff
Anonymous New Member: Not much. I am so excited for the con tonight! When does it start? O.o
Toy: I don't know why I still keep coming to these things when I could be farming for Milt drops!
Pere: I vote for giving Vamp a massive head shave later!

Erik: 7:00 pm Server Time, and it sounds like the usual for everyone

Sebi: So, I just got to level 31 on my Maple Story account guys!

Multiple members: Nice! How do you level up so quickly?

Wixmagic: Wow guys, nobody cares about Maple Story! Shut the **** up Sebi!

Xusha: Language, Wix, I don't want to have to request a ban for you.

Sebi: No, I want to hear this. Let it out Wix, tell me what you think.

Wix: Sebi, I am so sick of you, nobody cares about you in this clan!

Xusha: Guys, keep it down! Stop fighting, we're just trying to have fun. Anymore language from either of you and I will request a ban.
Erik: Ya, seriously guys, its just a game, you don't have to be friends with everyone, but you also don't have to show how much you don't want to be if you don't want to be friends with someone.

Sebi: Guys, lets take a vote, how many of you want me to leave the clan? Seriously answer, and if there are more yes than no, then I will leave the clan for a long period of time.

*Mass rabbling of members begins*
Chamberino: Don't tempt me Sebi...
Wix: Yes
Xusha: Sebi, its just a game. Cool it.
Erik: Everyone needs to take a chill pill! The con is starting in 5 minutes, so just get ready for the race.

Sebi: Alright, I am leaving then. *Exits*

Xusha+Sticky: Lets just start the con! Everyone go to the roof.

Multiple members: Why do we have to listen to you?
Multiple members: <AFK>

Xusha: Because we are in charge, now if you want to participate, then get to the roof.

*Chamberino casts mass heal over time bard skill and everyone runs downstairs*
*Chamberino gets logged*

Chamberino: No wait everyone, that was a false start, the real race hasn't started yet.
*Chamberino gets logged again*

Chamberino: Alright, everyone click on my eye then!

*Race is finished*

*Shadow enters* *Everyone else goes to their best behavior*

Shadow: So, have you started the con yet?

Xusha: We just finished the race, and are starting the fashion.

Shadow: Have you been getting any trouble at all?

Erik: There was the usual before-the-con trouble, but not much during it
Another member: Besides the first race false start

Shadow: Alright then.

That is how the usual Saturday con works, the pre-con being a train wreck, and then fading away during the middle of the con.

by Peregrine Wed May 19, 2010 10:55 pm

Someone from last night said I should write a comedy instead of a mystery.
WELL.
I WROTE A COMEDY.
IT WAS THE SECOND STUPIDIEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN.
Chosen Theme: AQW.
Type of entry (Haiku, Short Story, Ect.): Script.
Your Written Entry:

The scene opens up to a conference room. As it is with most generic conference rooms, a table is situated in the center. Seven people are seated around the table, most of whom were looking quite bored. At the head of the table sits a Macintosh laptop hooked up to an LCD projector, which is projecting an upside down graph onto the wall. A man with wavy red hair is pointing a pointing stick at the graph and talking.

Vamparagon: So as we can see here, profits are way down.
Ragegamer: Actually Vamp, I think the graph is the wrong way around.
Vamparagon: Oh, sorry, you're right.

Vamparagon bends over and fiddles with his laptop's touchpad, and is finally able to rotate the graph on the computer screen so that it is sideways.

Vamparagon: As I was saying, profits are way sideways.
Peregrine: I'd question this if it didn't seem so plausible.
Chamberino: Maybe we could try rotating the graph some more until we get better results.
Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!

It is in that moment that a man bursts through the doors opposite the head of the table and begins screaming, startling the two guards that were posted there.

Mrsebi: HEY GUYS SORRY I'M LATE I WAS TALKING TO MY ImAgInArY fRiEnDs!

Vamparagon, who was not one to tolerate such shenanigans, gestured to the guard to the left of the new arrival.

Vamparagon: Flaw.
Flaw of Insanity Yes sir.

Flaw of Insanity grabs Mrsebi by the collar and drags him out the door, no doubt headed for the castle dungeons.

Vamparagon: As I was saying, to rectify the lack of horizontal profits, I suggest that we hold a bake sale.
Sticky: Seconded.
Erik: Thirded.
Ragegamer: Fourthed.
Peregrine: Objection. None of us can bake.
Vamparagon: I can't bake? Excuse me Pere? EXCUSE M-

The screen suddenly flickers and the image of the graph is replaced by the head of this story's primary antagonist.

??? Hello there gentlemen! All your base are belong to me. You don't know who I am, but know tha-
Vamparagon: Oh hey Mathia. Long time no see.
Mathia: Shut up Vamp. What I was saying was that-
Vamparagon: -E PERE?
Peregrine: You trying to make something out of this, Vamp?
Vamparagon: Oh yeah, you're real tough. But I like to let my moves do the talking.
Peregrine: In that case you should have no trouble with a show down.
Mathia: Hey! Pay attention to me!
Vamparagon: That does it Pere. You, me.
Peregrine: Right here, right now.
Vamp & Pere: DANCE OFF.
Chamberino: PLACE YOUR BETS HERE, PEOPLE.
Ragegamer: Five points on Vamp.
Sticky: Ten points on Vamp.
Erik: Seven points on Pere.
Cial: Fifteen points on Pere.
Ryzaa: Twenty points on Vamp.
Crystal Lion: Five points on Pere.
Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!

Vamparagon does the caramelldansen. Peregrine break dances.

Ryzaa: Hold on, who's judging?
Chamberino: I'll just hold onto all these bets for you guys until we figure out who was judging.
Crystal Lion: Neither of them were really that good.
Mathia: HELLO?
Vamparagon: Look, what do you want? Can't you see we're in the middle of important bake sale planning?
Mathia: I'll be quick.
Vamparagon: You've got sixty seconds.
Mathia: I have injected TR's water supply with liquid madness!
Crystal Lion: That sure doesn't sound like a last minute plot device.
Mathia: Silence! Because of the liquid madness, everyone who drank water today is going to go insane. You've already seen what happened to Mrsebi!
Vamparagon: Wait, what happened to Mrsebi?
Ryzaa: Did anyone notice anything out of the ordinary with Mrsebi today?
Chamberino: Nothing more than I usually do.
Peregrine Can't say I did.
Vamparagon: Well, looks like Mathia lied to us.
Mathia: Hey, shut up okay? As I was saying, another one of you in this room has already gone insane. The only way to cure your friends is to-

The screen suddenly returns to the image of the sideways graph.

Vamparagon: Time's up.
Peregrine: Did you guys hear what he said? Any one of us could be the killer.
Ragegamer: Pere's got a point, what do we do about the other insane person?
Vamparagon: Finding the other insane person will be easy. Everyone pipe down for a second.

Everyone is silent as Vamparagon looks over them. His unflinching, scrutinizing gaze sends shudders down more than one of their spines. Beads of sweat begin to form on everyone's heads. Who would be the unlucky soul to receive Vamparagon's judgement? They all pray that only the guilty among them would be the one to suffer the wrath of Vamparagon, emperor of TR.

Suddenly, Xusha resumes singing happy birthday in Russian.

Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!
Vamparagon: It's Cial.
Cial: WHAT.
Ryzaa: I'll take him to the dungeon with Mrsebi.

A protesting Cial is dragged from the room by the second guard, Ryzaa.

Cial: I DIDN'T EVEN GET ANY LINEEEEEES.

The doors slam shut behind him.

Vamparagon: So, about that bake sale.
Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!
Erik: I'm thinking we should have some cookies.
Vamparagon: I can see that happening.

The room is filled with the red glow and blaring of TR Castle's alarm. There is a loud slamming in the part of the room opposite Vamparagon's projection. Everyone spins around to view the source of the commotion and discover to their horror that the blast doors had been sealed, trapping everyone in the conference room inside. Vamparagon's graph once again changes to display Mathia's head instead of TR's third quarter earnings.

Mathia: HA HA HA. Now you will all go insane and kill each othe-

The projection vanishes entirely as Vamparagon pulls the plug on the LCD Projector.

Vamparagon: Escape plans, people.
Chamberino: Usually we build battering rams out of those frogzard marshmallow treats you won a lifetime supply of.
Vamparagon: Do we have any marshmallow frogzards on hand?
Erik: Nope.
Vamparagon: Is anyone here made of marshmallow frogzards?
Crystal Lion: Sticky is.
Sticky: Huh? No I'm-

A team comprised of Chamberino, Erik, Crystal Lion and Ragegamer lift Sticky up and point him head first towards the blast door.

Peregrine: That's funny. I thought Sticky was made of tape and scotch.
Sticky: SOMEONE HELP ME.
Vamparagon: On three now. One, two, three!

The team rushes towards the door as fast as they can. There is a sickening crunch as Sticky's head connects with the blast door at full force. His eyes roll back into his sockets and his body because very limp.

Erik: It didn't work.
Crystal Lion: Also, I think we're going to need a new Sticky in here.
Ragegamer: Alright, nobody panic. We can get out of this one. We've been in worse situations before, right?
Vamparagon: I need to pee.

There is a stunned silence among all those gathered.

Ragegamer: Okay never mind, we're in quite a pickle.
Vamparagon: Hey Pere, do you mind if I use your chair?
Peregrine: VAMPARAGON.
Vamparagon: Thanks.

*later*

Vamparagon: Okay, I'm done.
Chamberino: Did you wash your hands afterwards?
Vamparagon: No?
Erik: People, we need to get Vamp to a bathroom before he gets his germs on us.
Ragegamer: First thing's first, we need to get a janitor in here.

Ragegamer digs through his pocket and produces a cell phone. He dials a number and then holds the cell phone to his ear in preparation to speak with the person on the other end.

???: Hello?
Ragegamer: Hey Shadow.
Shadow: Oh hey Rage. What's up?
Ragegamer: We're going to need a janitor in conference room #1. We're sealed inside and Vamp had to go. One thing led to another.
Shadow: This is like the third time this week I've heard this story.
Ragegamer: Well, we do kind of pay you to do this sort of work.
Shadow: How dare you expect me to do the job for which I am paid. Well, you know what? I'm sick of it. I'm taking a stand. Not for me but for my-

Ragegamer hangs up.

Ragegamer: Okay, janitor's not coming.
Crystal Lion: Now what do we do?
Peregrine: I have an idea. Let's hook Vamp up to a pulley and have it drag him from one end of the conference room to the other repeatedly.
Chamberino: Just what will that accomplish?
Peregrine: Nothing whatsoever.
Erik: COME ON PEOPLE, WE'VE ONLY GOT FOUR MINUTES TO SAVE THE WORLD.

The construction of the pulley is a huge success. Ragegamer and Chamberino man opposite ends of the pulley, pulling Vamparagon to and fro between them. Vamparagon, suspended from the ceiling by a pulley being pulled from one end of the room to another, is having the time of his life.

Vamparagon: Hey guys, I can see my house from there.

Then suddenly, someone bursts through the blast door.

Ragegamer: We're saved!

Nagi looked around with an insane glint in her eye. Her arms were filled with amulets of all shapes and sizes.

Nagi: Amulets!
Chamberino: I don't think we're saved, guys.

Faster than anyone can blink, Nagi darts across the room, snatches the amulet that was around Xusha's neck, and bolts out the exit. Everyone stands around with a stunned look on their face. All except for Vamparagon, who was still suspended in midair. If Xusha noticed or regretted the loss, she did not show it, but instead continued to sing happy birthday in Russian.

Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!
Erik: COME ON PEOPLE, WE'VE ONLY GOT FOUR MINUTES TO GET VAMP TO A BATHROOM TO WASH HIS HANDS.

Everyone snaps out of it. Erik, Chamberino, Crystal Lion, Peregrine and Ragegamer lift Vamparagon over their heads, being extremely careful his hands don't touch them, and charge out the door. Xusha follows behind them, continuing her song. Three minutes later, the party arrives at the entrance to the washroom.

Vamparagon: WAIT! STOP!

Everyone stops immediately. Stops walking, that is. Xusha continues to sing.

Vamparagon: This is the men's washroom.
Ragegamer: What's your point?
Vamparagon: The women's washroom has flowers in it. I want flowers.
Chamberino: But the women's washroom is a floor below here.
Vamparagon: FLOWERS.
Chamberino: FINE.
Erik: COME ON PEOPLE, WE'VE ONLY GOT TEN SECONDS TO GET TO THE FLOOR BELOW THIS ONE.

*nine seconds later*

Erik: Whew, made it.
Vamparagon: Thanks, guys. I'll take things from here.

Vamparagon strolls into the washroom, confident in his hand washing ability.

Ragegamer: Truly, he was the greatest of all the emperors.

It was in that moment Chamberino snapped.

Chamberino: STOP DROP AND ROLL.

Chamberino then immediately stopped, immediately dropped, and then began to roll down the hallway.

Erik: There goes a man with a dream.
Peregrine: I'll go get him.

Peregrine breaks off from the rest of the group and starts jogging after Chamberino.

Vamparagon: HELP.
Ragegamer: Looks like Vamp didn't manage to figure out how to wash his hands.
Crystal Lion: Maybe he slipped or something. I better go check on him.

Crystal Lion takes a deep breath to ready herself and then goes to save Vamparagon from himself.

*meanwhile*

Peregrine: That's far enough, Chamb.
Chamberino: Ehehehehehehehe.

Chamberino rolls through a door.

Peregrine: Darn it, he rolled through a door.

Peregrine dashes to the door, opens it, and steps into the room. The site that greets him is one nightmares are made of. Standing over the now very still Chamberino is a monster. It is entirely covered in white fur. Its hands and feet are much darker shades of white, and they are both decorated with long jagged claws. The creature stands hunched over, its deadly barbed hands hanging limply in front of it. The creature's long snout takes a whiff of the air, and its head jerks upwards to gaze at Peregrine. Two black, empty eyes on each side of the snout regard him emotionlessly. Its ears hang limp at its sides as well, long, furry ears that stretch to its snout. It grins, its mouth revealing a row of razor sharp teeth.

Peregrine: 'sup Toy.
wwwtoy: Hey Pere. What's the deal with all the weird people around here?
Peregrine I dunno man. Mathia put liquid insanity or something lame like that into our water supply.
wwwtoy: Can the process by reversed?
Peregrine: Vamp kinda cut Mathia off before he told us that.
wwwtoy: So where is Vamp anyhow?
Peregrine: The ladies room.
wwwtoy: That figures. Looks like the only thing left to do is for the two of us to take some names.
Peregrine: Let's roll.

*meanwhile*

Crystal Lion: Alright Vamp, what happened?

Vamparagon is lying on the ground, tied up in paper towel in much the same manner as a mummy is tied up in bandages. Only his head remains uncovered.

Vamparagon: The paper towel dispenser tried to kill me. I think it might be in league with Mathia.

Crystal Lion, instead of untying Vamparagon, instead fashions a sled out of paper towel and begins to drag him behind her out the washroom.

Crystal Lion: Alright guys, I'm back.
Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!
Erik: So, what now?
Ragegamer: Now, we get revenge on Mathia for driving Cial and Chamberino insane. Not to mention nearly killing Sticky.
Vamparagon: Good thing Sticky was made out of marshmallow frogzards or Mathia might have gotten away with his nefarious scheme.
Erik: Alright everyone, we're going to have to find Mathia's evil lair.
Ragegamer: Then we may as well start with The Gentlemen of Lore Club that he owns.
Erik: COME ON PEOPLE, WE'VE ONLY GOT FOUR MINUTES TO SAVE THE WORLD.

The group makes their way to the landing pad on top of the TR Castle via the nearby elevator. Vamparagon is dragged there by Crystal Lion using the sled. When they arrive, Dake is already up there barbecuing.

Dake: MORE FIRE ON THE BURNEEER.
Ragegamer: Looks like Dake's infected.
Vamparagon: Alright, now we just need to wait for the helicopter and hope Dake doesn't try to kill us all.

The group stands around waiting for ten minutes.

Vamparagon: If only we actually had a helicopter.

Suddenly, a gas balloon descends from the sky.

Erik: It's a bird!
Crystal Lion! It's a plane!
Vamparagon: It's Peregrine and Toy traveling in style.

The gas balloon touches down on the landing pad. Surely enough, Peregrine and Toy can be seen inside.

Peregrine: COME MY FRIENDS, BALDUR'S GATE AWAITS US.

The group boards the gas balloon and takes off. They begin to sail over the lake that surrounds TR Castle. Ragegamer takes a step backwards and trips over Vamp's limp and tied up form, causing him to stumble over the edge.

Ragegamer: VAAAAAAAAAAAMP.
Crystal Lion: MAN OVERBOARD.
Toy: GUYS, QUICK, WE'VE GOT TO GET MORE SAND BAGS UP.
Vamparagon: No no no no, you need to throw the sandbags off the balloon to go down.
Peregrine: Are you sure?
Vamparagon: Positive.
Erik: COME ON PEOPLE, WE'VE ONLY GOT FOUR MINUTES TO SAVE RAGE.

The group throws all of their sandbags off the gas balloon as quickly as they can. To their horror, the balloon begins to ascend rapidly instead of descending.

Vamparagon: Just kidding guys.
Everyone but Vamp & Xusha: VAMPARAGON.

There is a loud splash from below as Rage hits the lake. Following which, a moment of silence takes place, in which the only soul that can be heard is Xusha singing.

Xusha: С днем рожденья тебя!

The ascension of the balloon is halted by nothing. They continue to rise until they reach outer space, and eventually land on the moon.

Vamparagon: Hey guys, I can see my house from here.
Erik: Looks like we're on the moon.
wwwtoy: Yeah, funny how that works.

To the party's surprise, they are not the only residents of the moon. There is another man sitting down at a computer station, typing things into his monitor. The group edges around him to get a better look, and then are shocked to realize who it is.

Crystal Lion: Mathia? What are you doing here?
Mathia: How the heck did you guys find my evil lair?
Peregrine: It was pretty obvious.
Erik: Well, this is all very convenient.

*meanwhile*

Ragegamer drifts through the lake aimlessly until he spots an iceberg in the distance, and paddles towards it. He scales the icy cliff, and is surprised at who he finds drinking lemonade underneath an umbrella.

Ragegamer: Ice? What are you doing here?
Icewolfking: Chillin'.

*meanwhile*

Vamparagon: Alright, let's get this over with. Someone untie me.

It takes the combined efforts of everyone assembled to get Vamparagon unwrapped.

Vamparagon: Alright, it's show time.

*cue boss fight music*

Vamparagon: GO, MAGIKARP!
Mathia: That's how it's going to be, huh? Show him what a real magikarp can do, magikarp!
Vamparagon: MAGIKARP, USE SPLASH ATTACK.
Mathia: MAGIKARP, COUNTER ATTACK WITH A SPLASH ATTACK.

The two magikarps flounder around, unable to do splash attack as a result of a lack of water.

Vamparagon: MAGIKARP, GIVE HIM THE OLD SPLASH ATTACK.
Mathia: SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF MAGIKARP. USE SPLASH ATTACK.
Vamparagon: MAGIKARP, AVENGE RAGE'S DEATH WITH A SPLASH ATTACK.
Crystal Lion: How long do you guys think they're going to go on like this?
Erik: I'm not sure, but I'd say we have enough time to pick up some postcards while we're on the moon.
Peregrine: Forget postcards, let's find some cheese to bring back.

Crystal, Erik, Peregrine and Toy leave to go and find some cheese.

*many splash attacks later*

wwwtoy: Oh man you guys, get a load of this piece of cheese.

Toy slices off a small piece of cheese. In his greed and foolishness, Toy somehow manages to cause the moon to become unbalanced. It begins to fall out of orbit down to Earth.

Erik: Way to go, Toy.
wwwtoy: It's not my fault things don't make sense.
Erik: Then whose fault is it?
wwwtoy: Peregrine's.
Erik: Way to go, Peregrine.
wwwtoy: We're all going to die because of you.
Crystal Lion: You're a jerk.
Peregrine: Sorry guys. ):

The moon falls to the Earth, right on top of TR Castle.

The explosion is deafening.

TR GOES DOWN, AND TAKES THE MOON WITH THEM
"Everyone likely to die as a result," officials say.

TR - One of the finest organizations of our time, has come to what was literally a crashing end last Thursday, as the moon impacted with their headquarters, killing nearly everyone in the process.

"It was like dropping an egg on the floor," says farmer Bill Williams. "Only it was more like dropping a moon on a castle."

Rescue officials were on the scene almost immediately after the calamity, but were only able to pull four survivors from the wreckage, two of whom were immediately hospitalized with severe frostbite injuries from having escaped on an iceberg, and one of whom is currently in a mental institute. Fortunately, one of the survivors was available for comment.

"Dude, it was all like WHOOOOA," says Cial, the executive manager and creator of TR's brand of floss named "TRFloss". "If Vamp hadn't thrown me in jail, I wouldn't be alive right now. That's a pretty scary thought."

When asked if he had any plans for the future now that TR was gone, Cial had this to say to reporters:

"I survived because I was in the dungeons, which were far enough below ground to avoid destruction," explains Cial. "The only other things down there were Mrsebi and a lifetime supply of Marshmallow Frogzards."

"Those Marshmallow Frogzards should sell for enough so that I can retire quietly and live out my life in peace until everyone dies due to the fact that the moon was destroyed."

"The best techniques are passed on by the survivors."

The end.

I want to read the first stupidest thing you've ever wrote.
-Shadow

by Xusha Fri May 21, 2010 2:04 am

Extended, as I've been busy. June 3rd.

by **Erik** Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:20 am

Today's the 6th. Time to judge.

by Xusha Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:28 am

My long, in-depth analysis of each entry is finally done! Before I announce the winners as you all are waiting for, I must announce that this contest is over. Oh, and this following list is meant to confuse the people who just want to read the winners. The real winners are Altera, Peregrine, and Crystal Lion.

1st. V

2nd. Rage

3rd. Charon

by **Erik** Tue Jun 08, 2010 10:41 pm

Lol, good thing I read the paragraph xD

Congratz Altera, Pere, and Crystal!

by **Altera** Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:12 pm

Congratulations to Pere and Crystal!

by Crystal Lion Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:16 pm

Congrats, Altera and Pere! I didn't expect to win with my silly song.

by Guest Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:33 pm

Yeah, Gratz guy (and girls)

by Peregrine Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:48 am

Good show to you all.

by **Thoru** Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:14 pm

I lost! yay! And I didn't notice for like 2 weeks!

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